the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
