I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
