Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
