so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
