i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
