Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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