she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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