One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
