We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
