The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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