So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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