God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
