we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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