You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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