Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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