you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
