do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
