How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Shame - the story of my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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