your parents love me but you hate me
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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