Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
