i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
