can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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