I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
