very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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