doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
