just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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