we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
