I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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