He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
