I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
