I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Randomize
