he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
