btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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