R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
