Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
