Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
