this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
