Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
