Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
