I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
