I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
