so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
