Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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