if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
