At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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