smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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