The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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