I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
tell me about the fingering
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