I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize