i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
