I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize