Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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