When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize