Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
