We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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