I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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