I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
