Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
