you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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