he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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