fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
