my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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