i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
