I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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