It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
