I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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