I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
