I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
