i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
