is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
