im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
