If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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