Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
