So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
