I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
