I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
