I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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