It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
