I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
