there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
